After a decade of single-hood I have decided to write this blog hoping to encourage those who are like me, single and whole, but often times not comfortable.
First, let me say that being single has been a great challenge. Many told me after my divorce that I wouldn’t be single long, that I was the “marrying” kind. They said, “Rick, you are the kind of guy that needs companionship”. Ten years ago I felt the same way and my intention was to marry as quickly as possible. No one could have convinced me that ten years later I would still be single. It has been an interesting journey to say the least.
There were times that I thought I had found the “perfect match”, the love of my life or the woman of my dreams. However, time always revealed that what may have been my desire was not my destiny. Meeting and dating ladies is fun to me but I don’t really like being single, I have learned to be single.
Then there are the added pressures that come with being single. The questions are nonstop. People ask:
“Why are you still single?”
“When are you getting married?”
“Do you not know that it would be so much better for your ministry if you were married?”
“What about your image, being married would make it so much better! Your church would grow much faster if you were married.”
Some other challenges are in my friendships. My closest friends are married and I find that many times my singleness brings their spouses to question them for “hanging out with a single guy”. The myriad of annoyances could go on and on.
It is interesting to me that the man Christ Jesus, who undoubtedly had the greatest ministry of all time, was single. The Apostle Paul was single, if not his whole life, then certainly the biggest part of it.
This is why I am grateful for Place for Life! This church walked with me through it all and now because they waited they have a couple in that leadership position, my son and his wife.
My determination is set and I have decided I will never marry unless I am deeply in love and she is deeply in love with me. I’ve been told that I live in a fantasy world when it comes to marriage. No, I have seen love on a few occasions and my Parents modeled it perfectly for me. I may have a high standard but it is what it is. I will never marry for the sake of image or to please anyone but my spouse.
Others have told me that I am too old fashioned because I believe that how the Bible refers to marriage is the right way. I see many things being taught that I question. For example people talk about pursuing a lady if you are a single man. Where is that in scripture? The last time I looked at the first couple in Genesis 2, God made a woman and brought her to the man. The man did not go find the woman. Many will combat that thought with Proverbs 18:22, “He that finds a wife, finds a good thing”. My response to that is I have found many things that I was not looking for and finding is often times a revelation of what is already there and not what you went looking for. Therefore, God knows how to bring the right people together.
If you are where I am, be encouraged by remembering how many people messed up their life by choosing the wrong person to join their purpose. Be encouraged that God is in control of your life. Be encouraged that you get to meet and date more people. Be encouraged that your happiness is not contingent on having a companion. If you are single then serve your purpose with the passion you would give your partner and at just the right time you will look up and there they are, standing right in front of you!